Dating

There are several aspects of dating that are important so we will dedicate a couple of lessons on dating. There are two sections of dating. It comprises of the time period of trying to get a date, and then the time during the date. It is also important to point out the differences from the male and female perspectives. In this first lesson on dating, we will cover getting a date from both gender perspectives.

In the United States, both genders can ask each other for a date. Just like in any culture, it isn't normal to ask a complete stranger for a date. Usually, you have to start a conversation and get to know each other a little bit before asking for a date. In the beginning, it's normal to engage in small talk. During small talk, you should then find something that you have in common. The longer you talk, the greater the chance that you will get a date. It is all up to how you feel if you want to ask or not. In this lesson, I will cover some sentences you should know so you can succeed in getting a date.

Before we continue though, I would like to mention that blind dates are not common. For example, in Korea, So-geh-ting is a very popular way to get dates. This is in essence a blind date. It is not so common in the United States, so no need to cover it here.

During the conversation, throwing out compliments is a good thing to do. Most people will be flattered by them. But remember not to make them too cheesy.

Compliments to a guy
"Do you work out at all? You have a nice build."
"What kind of cologne is that? I like the smell of it."
"I like the sound of your voice. It's soothing listening to it."

Compliments to a girl
"Your eyes stand out a lot. Do you get many compliments on them?"
"Does it take you long to style your hair? It looks very good."
"I bet you get hit on a lot."

The term 'hit on' means to be approached by the opposite sex. So somebody who gets hit on a lot means to have many people approaching them.

Compliments to either gender
"It's very comfortable talking to you."
"I feel like I can be myself when I'm talking to you."
"You seem so intelligent. I like that."

As you can see, these types of compliments are not too aggressive. They are implying good things, but are not a burden to hear. For example, imagine you are talking to a stranger. If they say, "You're so beautiful." It will more likely scare you away. You will probably think that person is a little crazy. But if someone is talking to you and says a small compliment, then it is very welcomed. So keep that in mind when throwing out compliments.

Dating - Follow Up and Flirting

If the conversation goes well, and you feel that you have a strong connection, feel free to ask for a date. There are a couple of ways to do so. You can either ask for a phone number, or you can ask to go out by meeting somewhere. When you the conversation is about to end, make sure to bring up the subject of a date.

"It was so great talking to you. I would love to get together and chat some more. Would you care to have dinner with me sometime?"
"If you don't have anything planned for Saturday, I would like to take you to dinner."
"We should talk some more later. Can I get your number?"

There are many ways and if you are sincere, then you shouldn't have a problem. If you feel you are not sure, or you are scared, then you can leave your phone number and hope that the other person calls.

"I enjoyed talking to you. Let me give you my number. I would love to hear from you."
"Give me a call anytime you want to just chat."

Flirting

The previous section was more for people who usually start up a conversation before asking a person on a date. There are other types of meeting people. There is a terminology called flirting that is popular. Flirting basically means to make gestures or movements or comments that are a little sexual in nature. So if you move your body in a certain way, or you rub the other persons arm slightly, or talk about slightly sexual things, then that is considered flirting.

Flirting is all dependent on both sides. It is hard for only one person to do the flirting. If that is the case, then the other person usually finds a quick exit out. Here are some things people might say while flirting.

"Hey sexy. I can't believe I didn't notice you earlier"
"How come you didn't ask me to dance yet?"
"You have nice legs."
"I can tell you workout. You have a nice body."
"You want to feel my muscles?"

Dating Part - Asking for a Date

In the previous section, we covered talking to someone before getting a date. In the next section we are going to work on some sentences you need to say during the date.

As I said previously, there isn't really another dating language. Most of it is regular conversation such as small talk, movies, hobbies, school, and work topics.

Let's start where we left off. By now, you should have a phone number. It is your responsibility to call and get a date. Even though you got a phone number doesn't guarantee a date. You have to convince the person to actually show up. Here is what you should say.

On the phone

Them: "Hello"
You: "Hi. Is Janet there?"
Them: "This is Janet."
You: "Hi Janet. This is Mike. I met you at the party last Saturday night."
Them: "Oh. Hi Mike."
You: "Did you enjoy the party?"
Them: "I had a great time. How about you?"
You: "The next morning was tough, but it was real fun, especially meeting you."
Them: "It was great meeting you too."
You: "Can I take you out to dinner followed by a movie or some other thing?"
Them: "Well, I am a little busy with school and all."
You: "A couple hours shouldn't hurt too much. I'll make sure you have a good time. If you want, we can talk about your school. Maybe I can help you on some topics you are unsure about."
Them: "Ok. Sounds good. I'm free this Friday after 6:00. How does that sound to you?"
You: "That sounds good. Do you want to meet somewhere or would you like for me to pick you up?"
Them: "If you don't mind Italian, I'll meet you at Olive Garden at 6:30 on Friday."
You: "Sounds great. I'll see you then."

Let's analyze this small conversation real quick. First, Mike didn't assume that Janet remembered him. He reminded Janet where and when they met. It isn't a good idea to put someone on the spot right.

Next, Mike asked if Janet had a good time. This is a small talk question to break the ice.

Afterwards, Mike gave a small compliment by saying, '... it was real fun, especially meeting you.'

So Mike is giving an indication that he is interested in Janet.

Next, Mike asks for dinner.

Janet's response is important to learn from. She knows Mike has interest in her, but she is not too sure. When Mike asks for dinner, she is hesitant. We see this when she says, 'I am a little busy with school and all.'

Everyone is busy, and Mike knows that this is an excuse of not going out. There are many things that Mike can do now.

1.   Mike can put pressure on her without any substance like, 'Come on. Let's just go out.' Or he can not even let her completely answer by saying, 'I'll meet you at Olive Garden at 7:00.'
2.   Mike can be a coward and say, 'Ok. Well, if you decide to change your mind, give me a call.'
3.   Or Mike can persuade Janet by appealing to her interests.

The number 1 choice doesn't work because putting pressure on someone is not good. She might not come, or start with a bad impression. Number 2 choice will result in Janet never calling back.

The answer Mike gave is a great answer. He is promising that she will have a good time, and also understanding her school interest and promising to talk about her school.

From Janet's perspective, Mike has good manners not pressuring too much, and understanding her interest by talking about her schooling.

Dating - On the Date

When you finally see Janet at the restaurant or another dating place, you should say something right when you see her. Here are a few examples

"I'm glad you showed up."
"You look great."
"Hi Janet. It's good seeing you again."

During the date, you have to make sure the person stays interested. This is primarily done by talking about subjects the other person wants to talk about. In this case, Janet is concentrating on school. Here are some things to say

"What subject do you find difficult?"
"What classes are giving you a hard time?"
"Do you like multiple choice questions or short answer questions?"
"Do you like writing essays?"
"What subjects interest you the most?"

After you find out more information on her interest, then you can say more things about it.

"When I was in college, I had a hard time with my writing assignments. I guess my high school didn't prepare me enough. So I went to the writing center located next to the library, and they helped me tremendously."

"I found psychology to be pretty easy, but I always made stupid mistakes with the multiple choice questions. So I got a study guide for it and it helped me to get the minor details out of the way."

"I really like history too. I enjoy learning about what happened and how we got to the state we are in now."

"You don't like calculus? I was a math major. If you would like, I can help you out with your homework. I'm sure after a couple of lessons, you will think it is easy."

So helping out with homework is another way to get another date. Although it will be more geared towards school work, you can take the opportunity to impress the other person.

Dating - Asking for Second Date

Another way to get another date is by suggesting another restaurant. Janet likes Italian restaurants. But she chose Olive Garden. If the date went well, and you know of another Italian restaurant, you can suggest another date near the end of dinner.

"Is Italian one of your favorite types of food?"
"Yeah. I like all types of pasta."
"I know this great little Italian restaurant on the waterfront. It's small but very authentic. I'd love to take you there next week or something."

Or, if you know of another type of restaurant here is what you can say.

"Have you ever had French food?"
"I've had French Fries before."
"I'm talking about real French food."
"No. I don't even know what is considered French food."
"I've been to this great French restaurant a couple of months ago. The food was amazing. I would like to take you there sometime. Would you be interested?"

Dating - Preparing Activity after Dinner

Sometimes a date will end right after dinner. Other times you can go to another place such as a bar, or go bowling, or see a movie. It is your responsibility to find out what the other person likes to do and then suggest it. If the date was strictly for dinner, then it will be difficult, but in this case, Mike suggested a dinner and a movie, or another thing. That means Janet should have left the night open.

"Have you seen Master and Commander yet? I heard it was a good movie."
"No, I haven't."
"There is an 8:30 showing down the street. Would you like to go see it?"

Mike made sure to look up movie times and locations before the movie. Then when he suggests a movie, he has all the information.

"What do you like to do when you are not studying?"
"I like to hang out with friends and drink a little and I also like to go bowling sometimes."
"Do you want to go bowling after dinner? We can have a few drinks while we play. It will be fun."

In this scenario, Mike is using both her interests here. In the States, they serve alcohol so drinking and bowling together is a great option.

Dating - Saying Goodbye on Date

Finally, when the date is over, you can say a couple of things depending on how the date went.

If it went bad,

You can lie and say,

"I had a good time. I'll call you sometime."

Or you can not lie and say,

"The dinner and movie was great. Have a good night."

Mike is not lying. He is saying the dinner and movie was good but didn't say anything about the date.

If you had a good time, say,

"I had a great time tonight. Can I call you again?"
"We should do this again."
"I really enjoyed spending time with you."

Common courtesy sentences,

"Make sure to drive safely. If you have any problems, feel free to give me a call."
"I hope you had a good time. Drive home safely and have a good night."

Dating - Interactive Practice

Click on Listen All and follow along. After becoming comfortable with the entire conversation, become Person A by clicking on the Person A button. You will hear only Person B through the audio file. There will be a silence for you to repeat the sentences of Person A. Do the same for Person B. The speed of the conversation is native speed. Use the pause button if the pause between each sentence is too fast for you. After practicing several times, you will be able to speak as fast as a native.

1

Listen All  |   Person A  |   Person B

A: "Hi there. Do you know anyone here?" B: "I'm a friend of Stacy." A: "Stacy Miller? I know her." B: "Really? How do you know her?" A: "We went to middle school together." B: "That's cool. What a small world." A: "So how do you know Stacy?" B: "We went to the same sorority." A: "What did you major in?" B: "I majored in Sociology." A: "Really? Me too. That's kinda cool." B: "Where did you go to school?" A: "I went to Berkley." B: "So what are you doing here in New York?" A: "I work at a consulting firm." B: "Isn't that hard work?" A: "It was in the beginning, but I got used to it. It's a lot of hours though." B: "I bet. I don't like working more than 40 hours. I need time to play." A: "I hear that. I wish I had more time to play. But I do like my job." B: "I think it is important to like your job." A: "I like talking with you." B: "Really? I feel the same way." A: "Do, you wanna go out sometime, like dinner or something?" B: "I'd like that. Here, let me give you my number."

2

Listen All  |   Person A  |   Person B

A: "You see that chick over there?" B: "The one in the red shirt?" A: "Yeah. Isn't she hot?" B: "She's alright." A: "Just alright?!? She's hot!" B: "Why don't you go talk to her?" A: "You think she's out of my league?" B: "Hell no! You're just a chicken that's all." A: "C'mon. I get nervous when I talk to girls." B: "Why don't you go stand next to her for awhile and if an opportunity comes up, strike a conversation." A: "What do I talk about?" B: "It doesn't matter. You gotta find what she's interested in and go with that." A: "I don't know..." B: "Do you want me to go talk to her?" A: "No. Stay away from her." B: "If you don't do anything, I'll bet somebody else will." A: "Ok already. I'll try."

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